The Value of Genuine Love and Support

Since arriving in Uganda I have slowly integrated into my community, not only at site, but also with my host family, Peace Corps Staff and fellow volunteers, and the other teachers. For the last three months I have been trying to figure out what Ugandans really value in their children. In America, this is easy to see; We display school pictures or pictures from vacations on the walls in our houses and offices at work, we hang perfect quizzes and tests on the fridge, we put trophies on the bookshelf, and we talk incessantly about how amazing and talented our children are compares to their peers in class or on the soccer field. We even give them feedback on all that they do to show them how much we care about them and how proud we are, no matter what their latest test score is or how many points they scored in last night's game. In America, we show our endless love and support through hugs, kisses, talking around the dinner table, and even showing interest in other activities. I often wonder if we smother our children in America. Presently, all little league players, soccer players, etc receive trophies at the end of the season so we tell our kids that they are ALL winners no matter what. When they lose, do they lose too much of their self esteem? Some do, I'm sure. We tell our kids they are going to be President one day or be the next Einstein. For some kids, this is true, but certainly not all of them. I'm all for supporting each and every child, but sometimes it gets to be too much. There's got to be some balance and honesty thrown into the mix. Regardless, my stay in Uganda hasn't shown me that parents or even the communities truly value and hold pride for their children at all.

In my Homestay house there were only pictures of my host mother all over the walls. At my school, there are no displays of student work anywhere. Instead, they are told they are not "smart"--in Uganda this usually means well dressed, but can sometimes refer to intelligence-- if their school uniform is not perfectly clean or their hair is not completely shaved. Instead of a teacher calling a name of pupil for help, they simply yell "YOU!", clap a few times, and demand the pupil to fetch whatever it is they desire. Sometimes this even includes making the pupil leave school to go get fruit or a chapati in the town. Worst of all, there are parents who, instead of buying enough food to feed their children during the week, save their money to go to the clubs over the weekends. So I wonder, what gives? A prime example from this week goes as follows:

In my quest to create a successful and fun D.E.A.R. Day (Drop Everything and Read) at my school, I have given a complete rundown in a staff meeting about what it may look like. I have motivated my fellow teachers to create activities with each of their classes, which has been exciting because they have actually all been on board with putting a lot of work into their ideas and the ideas of their pupils (hallelujah!). Some classes are presenting stories written by pupils, some are doing plays from local stories they've read, and my own P4 colleagues have come up with the idea to do a "beauty contest" in which all of the contestants must read well and answer a few questions. I was thrilled to hear my counterpart tell me of the class plans for DEAR Day, I had visions of a panel of pupils to judge and ask their own questions, the contestants would answer and the talent portion would allow for reading, singing, or even rapping. However, my heart sank when I watched a run through of the skit this week.  They take the word "beauty" very seriously here in Uganda (at least at my school) and so the teachers only chose the "most pretty girls" in class. This was only the beginning. Next, the teachers chose the pupils to be the judges and instructed them to ask the question "Why are you here today?" If the contestants did not answer exactly, "My name is ______. I am here today to participate in the beauty contest", then they were 1) laughed at, 2) told to sit down, and 3) given a score of zero. Not one of the contestants had a chance to memorize the prompt, so all received scores of zero and laughed at as they took their seats. My frustration during this practice was building by the second. I had to excuse myself. In retrospect, maybe I should have added my input right away; told them that each contestant can have a correct answer even if it's not the exact one provided by the teacher. That, as a P4 group, we need to stick together and support one another.

I have since made my thoughts known and shown a lesson that proved it really possible to give positive feedback, control a class of 60+ pupils, and still keep the respect of my kids. After my lesson there was a time for the teachers who came to observe (all but two showed up! another score) to ask me questions or state what they had observed during my lesson. I was ecstatic when a few commented on how I never "turned color" when pupils weren't participated or gave a wrong answer, and I didn't put down those same wrong answers. They also noticed the amount of wait time I gave after asking questions...none of which were yes or no questions, but instead WHY questions. And one more, they noticed that I kept the pupils engaged for an entire hour without making them write down a single note (their minds were blown). While I'm happy for their positive feedback, I had to wonder if I was trying to encourage too much change. I talked of why I did these things in the way I did, including acknowledging all answers, right or wrong. I talked about encouraging students to think outside the box when answering questions and working TOGETHER with pupils, not just throwing out demands or insults because it will only make pupils cower and hesitate to raise their hand to answer their questions in the future.

But, am I disturbing their way of life and teaching? In a way I am, but the Peace Corps goals have us exchange and promote a better understanding of Americans on Host Country Nationals (HCNs), and to help promote a better understanding of the host country on the part of Americans. In my heart I know I am doing what's best for these kids. They need an adult on their side to advocate for their needs, not only in school, but at home as well. They are why I am here, and they are the reason I don't feel completely useless at the end of some days here. We have a long road ahead of us to create a positive school environment for these kids, but I'm determined and happy that most of the teachers at my school are wanting to make this big change too. Here's to creating new beginnings and making the changes to empower the children at St. Gregory Primary School, and throughout Uganda as well. It's their time.

Nyiga Okwogera Luganda (I am learning to speak Luganda)

Here’s a little about my family and I written in Luganda. Enjoy and try to appreciate what I’ve learned in about two weeks time. Hope everyone had a great holiday! Happy New Year.

Ammanya gange nze Olivia Smith. Nava New Boston, NH mu America. Kumpine ME, MA, ne VT. Naye kati mbeera Mityana mu Uganda ne mu amakaga Sebwatto. Nkolanga munakyewa mu Peace Corps nga musomesa ne nsomesa abaana okusoma.

My names are Olivia Smith. I have come from New Boston, NH in America near Maine, Massachusetts, and Vermont. But now I am staying in Mityana, Uganda with the Sebwatto family. I work as a volunteer in the Peace Corps as a teacher and I teach children to read.

Mu America Nnina taata ne maama. Maama wange errinya lye ye Joanne. Ava NH. Maama wange muwanika. Taata wange errinya lye ye Jeff. Ava ME, naye kati abeera NH. Akola nga yinginya. Nnina omulala baganda bange babirri ne mwanyinaze omu. Nze Nakato. Muganda wange babirye errinya lye ye Michelle. Michelle musawo. Muganda wange omulala errinya lye ye Alex. Asoma mu New England University mu ME. Ayagala okuba musawo. Mwanyinaze errinya lye ye Zack. Asoma ssomero lya Hooksett Memorial mu sinyia ya mukaaga.

In America I have a father and a mother. My mother’s name is Joanne. She comes from New Hampshire. My mom works as an accountant. My father’s name is Jeff. He comes from Maine, but now he lives in NH. He works as an engineer. I also have two sisters and one brother. I am the second born twin. My twin sister’s name is Michelle. She works as a nurse. My other sister’s name is Alex. She studies at NEU in Maine. She wishes to be a Physician’s Assistant. My brother’s name is Zack. He studies at Hookseet Memorial school in sixth grade.

Nnina mukwano gwange ye Brian. Ava Stonington, CT, kumpine RI mu America. Naye kati abeera Milford mu NH. Akolanga omuwanika wa Fidelity Investments mu Merrimack, NH. Nmwagala nyo.

I have a friend, his name is Brian. He comes from Stonington, CT near Rhode Island in America. But now he lives in Milford, NH. He works with money at Fidelity in Merrimack, NH. I love him very much.

Nsoma Luganda. Weebale ku osoma kyange blog! Sula bulungi

I am studying Luganda. Thank you for reading my blog! Spend the night well.

Sidenote: letters are always welcome. If you send one, be sure to write your most creative religious sayings and quotes on the envelope to ensure no one looks through it/decorates the post office wall with your beautiful letters and pictures! ;)

Future Site Visit: The positives and negatives of being a PCV at a site that is new to PC

            I'm going to be incredibly honest in this blog post. I had my first real low since being in country during this time and I feel it's important to share. Last week, our entire cohort was divided into our different regions (Central-my region, Southwest, East, North, West, and West Nile). From this morning on, we would all be separated until the swearing in ceremony coming up on January 22! It was tough for all of us. Goodbyes are never easy; especially when they’re coming from friends we’ve all made over the last five weeks we’ve been in country training together. Reality definitely set in for me when I said my goodbyes and loaded into the SUV. The thought that I wouldn’t see anyone in the group for more than a few days at a time from now on was to foreign to me. We created comfort zones and support networks with each other. For this reason and many others, my Future Site visit (FSV) was quite an emotional roller coaster. It started on an uphill climb when our cars traveling to the southwest region got to stop at the equator. Naturally we took lots of photos and stood in two places at once…I mean how cool is that, not many people get to say they've lived in both hemispheres.

            I arrived at my site shortly after the stop at the equator. It was both incredibly scary and exciting at the same time. I was greeted at my school’s gate by about 20 students and four of the teachers I’ll be working with over the next two years. They were playing the drums, singing, and smiling from ear to ear. In that moment I felt so incredibly lucky. I knew some people would show up at their sites with no one there to greet them.  The teachers and students took my bags from me-- I learned this is because it’s incredibly impolite to be seen with a guest who is holding their own bags (and also because they think white people are weaker than them)—I was ushered into the office and given break tea which consisted of Tea masala and two pieces of white bread. Shortly after I was given my food, I learned that my supervisor had no idea what Peace Corps was, let alone that I was a Peace Corps Volunteer coming to stay with them for two years. This was the first red flag. In my head I was thinking, “How did you sign up to take on a volunteer without knowing what the organization does?!” but out loud I tried to briefly explain all of the amazing things PC does in countries all over the world.  Following this conversation, I was given a tour of the school and finally shown my home. I live on campus with the rest of the teachers. I’m lucky to have a real toilet, not a pit latrine, INSIDE my home and not far away from the house. I have two pretty big rooms, one with my bed and desk, and the other with my water tank and living area (hopefully some furniture to come!)

 After the tour of the school I was off to meet about 20 people in the town who consisted of the Chief of Police, the LC1 (Local Consulate—this man has a guy talk for him, and not because he can’t speak English, just because he can), a priest who studied in Scranton, PA for two years that has great English, five former and current teachers, and many others whom I don’t quite remember at this point. Needless to say I was exhausted, but the day wasn’t over yet. My counterpart and I paused for lunch around two. Let me tell you something about African meals… they are HUGE. People think Americans have huge portion sizes, but they’ve got nothing on Africa. I must take a picture sometime. On my plate was three small fried irish potatoes, a cup and a half of white rice, a cup and a half of matooke, a chicken leg, and what Africans call “salad”, which is about a half a cup of thinly sliced cabbage and two slices of plum tomatoes. Africans are obsessed with carbs and they eat, on average, three meals plus two break teas a day. Following lunch I walked the town even more to meet some other locals, bathed and watched the news with the teachers at my school then had dinner around eight. Finally got into my bed at 10:30 and woke up to do the same thing for the next two and a half days.

   I struggled a bit during FSV because I had no downtime aside from when I was sleeping, and even that was interrupted by the constant ring of my neighbors cell phone and her radio on full volume, not to mention the rooster crowing beginning around 4am. On top of this, I kept hearing “We’re so happy to have an American at our school” as opposed to “We’re so happy to have YOU at our school”. All three days I heard their interesting views of America and was asked about whether or not another American volunteer would replace me when I leave in two years (sheesh can you let me stay for a while before you already start thinking about another person?) While my future coworkers, supervisor, and counterpart were so excited to have me there, I began wondering if they were only really excited to say they know an American, and that they’re going to get to keep her for two years. This is when my downward spiral began. I didn’t truly feel appreciated, I just felt like a product they were testing out. I wasn’t Olivia, the teacher who works hard to help her kids and others, I was just “the American”; the American who they’ve put on their timetable as the P4 teacher for the entire year even though Peace Corps doesn’t allow that. No matter how much I tried to explain this, they didn’t get it. The only thing helping me not acknowledge my thoughts of quitting and returning home was the fact that I would be back with some of my cohort members for four weeks of language training and homestay at the end of FSV. In my heart I knew I couldn’t give up. I had to persevere and work through language training so that maybe my coworkers would respect me on another level if I could speak with them in their local language. The weight was lifted off my shoulders after I debriefed with friends and language trainers and settled into my first night with my homestay family (more on them in a future blog post!). I’m feeling MUCH better this week and am so excited to share what I’ve been learning in class!

Here’s to a great holiday vacation (our first actual break since arriving in country), incredible next four weeks until swearing in, and a positive return to my Site. Missing you all at home. Happy Holidays!

Home Stretch

           It's been a while since I've updated, but I was waiting for some juicy news. See all those green check marks in the above picture? That means that I've completed ALL of my medical tasks i.e. seven different shots (with more to come during training), a physical, an eye exam, and a women's health exam. This is such a huge weight off my shoulders!

          Enough about my physical health (which is pristine, by the way), I feel it's necessary to comment about my emotional health these days. A common question I hear now from most everyone I talk to about my rapidly approaching departure to Uganda is, "Are you nervous?"  I'd like to invite people to answer that question for me after I give you just some of the things I've had to mull over in my mind about deciding on the PC: moving to a third world country for 2 years; leaving behind my family, friends, amazing boyfriend, and the comfort of America; knowing I may not have daily access to: family, great food, clean running water, electricity, beloved Wi-Fi and phone calls to friends....my list could go on. So to answer everyone's question: OF COURSE I am nervous. I think it would be unnatural not to be. I'm walking, almost blindly, into a world (because third world countries are truly worlds of their own) that I know very little about without the comforts I'm so used to here in the U.S. I'm dealing with the pressures I'm putting on the relationships I have with my family and Brian and what they may look like over the next two years.
         It's a lot to think about and come to terms with for sure, but at the same time I can honestly say that I am wicked excited to begin this new adventure. I know that this is the perfect next step for me both as a person who lives to help other people, and as a someone who lives to learn as much as possible about the world around me. The way I view the world and myself will surely change and I will come back a stronger person for it. The latter being something that became a huge factor in my decision to go into the PC to begin with. The closer I get to my departure date (which has been moved to Nov. 10th instead of the 12th!), the more I think about all of these things and the impact I'm about to make, not only on my own life, but hopefully on the lives of the people I meet abroad.   T-73 days!!

        Side note: I am beyond grateful for the amount of support I've gotten from everyone around me. I'm also so lucky to be a part of the Bedford High School Volleyball program this fall as the new Freshman Girls coach (my team ROCKS). This has posed as a great distraction and ease to my daily anxieties. I couldn't think of a better group of girls to spend my few remaining months in the states with. If only all of that energy could translate into packing (which I wouldn't even consider to be started yet)....   Missing my Kinderkids this fall as they just began their new year as first graders yesterday! Can't believe a year ago I was just starting my Master's program with them. My Dad was right, time really does speed up as you age--just when you learn to appreciate it more (how unfair).

Happy Thursday, love you all! :)

Life is Either a Great Adventure or Nothing At All...

**UPDATED as of 8/14!!

According to my Peace Corps assignment booklet:

Program: Primary Education Project
Job Title: Teacher Trainer

Dates of Service: January 25, 2015-January 25, 2017
**Staging Dates (In USA): November 10, 2014 (originally scheduled for 11/12/2014)!
Pre-Service Training (In Uganda): November 14, 2014-January 25, 2017  

          When I am in the training stage of the process I will be living with a host family for three months. It is at this time that I will be focusing on learning the local language (Luganda) and receive technical and cultural training, job specific training, and safety training. Once I successfully make it through these three months, I will officially swear in as a PCV and begin the two years of service!

          As a teacher trainer (according to the booklet), I will use a variety of skills to plan training programs for primary school educators (including teachers and school heads), monitor and evaluate educators through observation and feedback, develop and maintain education resource centers and libraries, and work with parents and communities to increase educational achievement in schools. (To me this sounds like I've completely traded places with Maria, Bruce, Kristen, and the administrators who have been doing this with me as an intern this past year! --scary) As a resourceful teacher trainer I will be placed in a Primary Teacher's College (PTC) or a Primary School affiliated with a PTC in a small town or rural area.

           The booklet explains that the plans I will develop with my counterpart may include:

1. Improving technical skills of primary school teachers by introducing participatory learning activities for young children aimed at developing basic skills in literacy, math, science, and life skills.   AND,
2. Strengthening school-community connections through school improvement activities and projects.

          As a Peace Corps volunteer, I will also have the opportunity to come up with my very own projects unrelated to my job title. This could be anything from rain water conservation projects to presentations about health topics to building a sports court/field for the children to play on, and so much more! This is the great thing about the PC. Your personal projects are ones that you come up with on your own and with the people in your community based on what you see they may need help with or what they desire for their community. 

         In addition to all these wonderful things, part of my role as a PCV will be to inform the people who I will live and work with about America while also learning about their country and culture. This will not only help me educate my Ugandan community about the place I come from, but it will also help me better educate my American community about the rest of the people in the world too. 

I've found my next great adventure... T-175 days and counting :)