I'm going to be incredibly honest in this blog post. I had my first real low since being in country during this time and I feel it's important to share. Last week, our entire cohort was
divided into our different regions (Central-my region, Southwest, East, North,
West, and West Nile). From this morning on, we would all be separated until the
swearing in ceremony coming up on January 22! It was tough for all of us.
Goodbyes are never easy; especially when they’re coming from friends we’ve all
made over the last five weeks we’ve been in country training together. Reality
definitely set in for me when I said my goodbyes and loaded into the SUV. The
thought that I wouldn’t see anyone in the group for more than a few days at a
time from now on was to foreign to me. We created comfort zones and support
networks with each other. For this reason and many others, my Future Site visit
(FSV) was quite an emotional roller coaster. It
started on an uphill climb when our cars traveling to the southwest region got
to stop at the equator. Naturally we took lots of photos and stood in two
places at once…I mean how cool is that, not many people get to say they've lived
in both hemispheres.
I arrived at my site shortly after
the stop at the equator. It was both incredibly scary and exciting at the same
time. I was greeted at my school’s gate by about 20 students and four of the
teachers I’ll be working with over the next two years. They were playing the
drums, singing, and smiling from ear to ear. In that moment I felt so
incredibly lucky. I knew some people would show up at their sites with no one
there to greet them. The teachers and
students took my bags from me-- I learned this is because it’s incredibly impolite to be seen with a guest who is holding their own bags (and also
because they think white people are weaker than them)—I was ushered into the
office and given break tea which consisted of Tea masala and two pieces of
white bread. Shortly after I was given my food, I learned that my supervisor
had no idea what Peace Corps was, let alone that I was a Peace Corps Volunteer
coming to stay with them for two years. This was the first red flag. In my head
I was thinking, “How did you sign up to take on a volunteer without knowing what
the organization does?!” but out loud I tried to briefly explain all of the amazing things PC does in countries all over the world. Following this conversation, I was given a
tour of the school and finally shown my home. I live on campus with the rest of
the teachers. I’m lucky to have a real toilet, not a pit latrine, INSIDE my
home and not far away from the house. I have two pretty big rooms, one with my
bed and desk, and the other with my water tank and living area (hopefully some
furniture to come!)
After the tour of the school I was
off to meet about 20 people in the town who consisted of the Chief of Police,
the LC1 (Local Consulate—this man has a guy talk for him, and not because he
can’t speak English, just because he can), a priest who studied in Scranton, PA
for two years that has great English, five former and current teachers,
and many others whom I don’t quite remember at this point. Needless to say I
was exhausted, but the day wasn’t over yet. My counterpart and I paused for
lunch around two. Let me tell you something about African meals… they are HUGE.
People think Americans have huge portion sizes, but they’ve got nothing on
Africa. I must take a picture sometime. On my plate was three small fried irish
potatoes, a cup and a half of white rice, a cup and a half of matooke, a
chicken leg, and what Africans call “salad”, which is about a half a cup of
thinly sliced cabbage and two slices of plum tomatoes. Africans are obsessed
with carbs and they eat, on average, three meals plus two break teas a day. Following lunch I walked the town even more to meet some
other locals, bathed and watched the news with the teachers at my school then
had dinner around eight. Finally got into my bed at 10:30 and woke up to do the
same thing for the next two and a half days.
I struggled a bit during FSV
because I had no downtime aside from when I was sleeping, and even that was
interrupted by the constant ring of my neighbors cell phone and her radio on
full volume, not to mention the rooster crowing beginning around 4am. On top of
this, I kept hearing “We’re so happy to have an American at our school” as
opposed to “We’re so happy to have YOU at our school”. All three days I heard
their interesting views of America and was asked about whether or not another
American volunteer would replace me when I leave in two years (sheesh can you let
me stay for a while before you already start thinking about another person?) While my future coworkers, supervisor, and counterpart were so excited to have
me there, I began wondering if they were only really excited to say they know
an American, and that they’re going to get to keep her for two years. This is when
my downward spiral began. I didn’t truly feel appreciated, I just felt like a
product they were testing out. I wasn’t Olivia, the teacher who works hard to
help her kids and others, I was just “the American”; the American who they’ve
put on their timetable as the P4 teacher for the entire year even though Peace
Corps doesn’t allow that. No matter how much I tried to explain this, they
didn’t get it. The only thing helping me not acknowledge my thoughts of
quitting and returning home was the fact that I would be back with some of my
cohort members for four weeks of language training and homestay at the end of
FSV. In my heart I knew I couldn’t give up. I had to persevere and work through
language training so that maybe my coworkers would respect me on another level
if I could speak with them in their local language. The weight was lifted off
my shoulders after I debriefed with friends and language trainers and settled
into my first night with my homestay family (more on them in a future blog
post!). I’m feeling MUCH better this week and am so excited to share what I’ve
been learning in class!
Here’s to a great holiday vacation
(our first actual break since arriving in country), incredible next four weeks
until swearing in, and a positive return to my Site. Missing you all at home. Happy
Holidays!
